Get a free SCARS short story. Sign up for News & Goodies from YA Author Cheryl Rainfield



My Books
See Next Book
STAINED book cover

Sarah, a teen with a port-wine stain and body image issues, is abducted, and must find a way to rescue herself.

“Powerful. I raced through it, wanting to know if Sarah would find a way to escape both her captor and her self-doubts. A real nail-biter!“
- April Henry, NY Times bestselling author of The Girl Who Was Supposed to Die

SCARS book cover

Kendra must face her past and stop hurting herself--before it's too late.

Awards: #1 in the Top 10 ALA Quick Picks, ALA's Rainbow List, a Governor General Literary Award Finalist, Staff Pick for Teaching Tolerance.

Yes, it's my own arm on the cover of SCARS.

HUNTED book cover

Caitlyn, a telepath in a world where having any paranormal power at all can kill her, must decide between saving herself or saving the world.

Awards: A finalist for the Monica Hughes Award for Science Fiction and Fantasy, and the Ruth and Sylvia Schwartz Award.

PARALLEL VISIONS book cover

Kate sees visions of the future--but only when she has an asthma attack. When she "sees" her sister being beaten, and a schoolmate killing herself, Kate must trigger more attacks--but that could kill her.

Awards: 2013 Gold Winner, Wise Bear Digital Awards, YA Paranormal category.

STAINED book cover

Sarah, a teen with a port-wine stain and body image issues, is abducted, and must find a way to rescue herself.

“Powerful. I raced through it, wanting to know if Sarah would find a way to escape both her captor and her self-doubts. A real nail-biter!“
- April Henry, NY Times bestselling author of The Girl Who Was Supposed to Die

See Previous Book

Love my books?
Join my Street Team!

You'll have my deep gratitude, hear book news first, get swag, and enter to win private contests

Treat Yourself Like a Friend

by Cheryl Rainfield, 2003

We often treat our friends better than we treat ourselves. We greet them with happiness and affection. We listen to them with compassion and understanding, and we don't try to silence them when they need to grumble or complain. And we are unequivocally, unalterably on their side. How much of this do we do for ourselves? And wouldn't we feel a lot better if we treated ourselves with the same generosity and love that we do our friends?

There are so many ways we are good to our friends. We take them out for coffee or bring them little treats. We encourage them to be in their feelings, and offer them what support we can. We give them hugs, advice, and love, and even when our friends have made mistakes, we rush in to support and reassure them.

But when it comes to ourselves, we can often be quick to judge. We may silence ourselves when really we need to complain or to talk something through. We may withhold treats or small pleasures from ourselves until we have completed a particular goal. But would we treat a friend that way? No, of course not.

Often we don't actively look for hugs or praise—even when we need them—and we may forget to give these things to ourselves. We may be quick to criticize ourselves, to notice our mistakes, and to point out what we see as weaknesses or faults in ourselves. But if we can just reach inside for a little of that compassion, good will, and generosity that we give to our friends, how much better we could feel. Like we have a friend inside us all the time, instead of a critical parent, a harsh taskmaster, or an enemy.

Constantly criticizing yourself, silencing yourself, or suppressing yourself takes a lot of energy. So try to see yourself the way you would see a friend. Try to give yourself that same affectionate, indulgent treatment—and you may find yourself feeling happier and lighter, with more energy to do the things you really want to. It's worth trying, isn't it? You probably would for a friend. :)

©Cheryl Rainfield, 2003

back to Healing

If you like this article, you may post it on your website or use it in your print publication, as long as you provide a link back to my site (http://www.CherylRainfield.com), and credit me. I'd also really like to know where you put my article, but you don't have to let me know in order to use it.

write my essay